Summer Can Be a Time to Build Family Relationships

Summer is about half over. When all the warm days are gone, and short, cold winter nights are here, what is it that your children will remember about these months together? What lessons about life will be instilled in them because of the time you spent with them?

As a child there were times that I was bored with summer, because my parents were busy and my days were unplanned. I wasted them. At times, I wished summer away, thinking that school and friends were much more fun. When school started in the fall, I remember thinking, "How could I have wished summer away for this!" I was so open to have someone pour into my life in those slow paced sunny days.

After I began having my own children, I decided to pour myself into them any opportunity I could. I set goals for our summers. One that I continued to focus on was, developing family relationships. Doing this meant spending a lot of time together, doing things, and just being together. In order to form relationships within our family, we decided that we needed to significantly reduce time spent with friends. Our family had to become our source of support, encouragement and entertainment. So we took a break from a lot of "friend" interaction and "play dates", and did things as a family.

This taught my children how to accept and love each other the way they were created to be, to learn to work through conflict and have fun together. When I brought their friends into the mix, they didn't learn those life lessons.

In order for them to not become resentful and bored, included three things into our day.

Firstly, we always did something fun together. This took commitment and planning on my part, though it was really flexible so that it would fit into our life. I made a list of things to do, so that on a moments notice, I would have something to draw my family together, something that didn't take much preparation. Sometimes we were able to spend all day together doing something fun and sometimes we only an hour. On days when I had a good amount of time and the weather cooperated, we did things things like go to the lake, have a picnic and swim or go on a family bike ride to the park and have a picnic. There were other times when life made it so our time was quite limited, so we might read bedtime stories together as a family, make popcorn together and eat it, or Lay out on a blanket in the backyard and watch the shooting stars and talk about God.

Secondly, each child was given jobs to do. Depending on their age, they were give responsibilities and things that would help out the family. One might have the job of cleaning out the dishwasher, another would be cleaning the toys up off the floor, or taking out the garbage. The older the child the more responsibility they were given. When they were old enough, each would take turns, Setting the Table for dinner, Cleaning up the Kitchen after dinner and clearing out he dishwasher. They did their job for a week, then rotated to the next job. They all did their equal share.

We also focused on meeting other people needs. When one would fall down and scrape their knee, their brother or sister would stop and help them. If one got done with their job sooner than another, many times they would offer to help their brother or sister finish theirs. We encouraged them to think of others and help each other even when it meant they would have to sacrifice in some way to do it.

Each season offers different opportunities to build into your family, and Summer is probably the easiest and most extended time available to make memories and develop deep family relationships. I would encourage you to take a few moments and thing about what kind of family you want to have 10 years from now, and what things you could do this summer to begin making that happen.

When is it OK to take time for ourselves?

A good mom and devoted wife, named Andrea, and has chosen to look at her young family as a "gift". She said, "Yesterday we all went to lunch as a family & after we got home I didn't do anything except stuff with the kids. Whether that meant jumping on the trampoline or taking a nap with them. It was very nice. Today we were invited to the park. We all had a blast. And I'm going to truly strive to spend more time at the library & just reading & playing games w/ the kids. I found a couple of great sites that I can't wait to read more on about being the woman God wants me to be."

With all the demands on us and focusing on our husband and family, Andrea asked,"When is it OK to take time for ourselves?

That is a great question. You absolutely need to take time for yourself. Another question that may be of more help to you is, "How should I use my time to myself in a way that really rejuvenates me?" Each of us gets recharged in a different way. We need to figure out what kinds of things we need in light of our particular circumstances and personality. It is easy to feel so “ready” for a break, that when we finally get one, we just waste it, and when we re-engage, we are just as tired and in need of a break as we were before. Our natural reaction is to disconnect from our world and watch TV or get on the computer. Though this allows us to escape, it does not rejuvenate us. Before we take time for ourself, we need to evaluate what it is we really need.

Sometimes, we need a nap, because we have been up all night with sick kids. Sometimes we just need to have an adult conversation with a friend because we have only had words spoken in 3 word sentences. Many times we really need to connect with our Lord and Savior so that we can be relating and working in his power and strength rather than trying to keep our sanity and calm in our own strength. Maybe its a walk at the park so we can be alone and pray or an escape to a coffee shop to read our Bible. Using our free time this way, will affect so many areas of our life in positive ways. Somehow, if we choose to spend it with Him, we get more done, and our patience level with our family is greatly increased. We can discern priorities clearly and we can live in a place of peace that only He can provide in our hectic lives.

As you take time for yourself, stop for a moment and pray and ask how the Lord wants you to use your time. He’ll let you know what you need and what will really rejuvenate you. Then watch what happens when you return to your family, how you respond to situations and how you feel. You will be pleasantly surprised!