Simplify

Thirteen years ago I was the mother of four growing children. I had the normal checklist of grocery shopping, laundry, cooking meals, making lunches, helping children with homework. I spent a good deal of time shuttling my children to and from school, basketball practices and games, youth group, and an assortment of other lessons, parties, and events. In addition, I was involved in launching a Christian school in our community, mentoring a group of high school girls, working with the high school youth group, and hosting guests in my home multiple times a week.
In other words, my life was full.
One particular day, while I was driving my children to a basketball game, I found myself using that time to plan out the next few things I needed to do. My mind was so occupied that I wasn’t even aware of the conversation my children were having in the backseat. I wasn’t using that time to communicate with them, hear their hearts, or try to understand the things they were dealing with and going through.
I wasn’t all there. I was distracted. Rather than pouring myself into relationships, I was focused on “doing.” I was missing out on the important things going on in my own family.
God has given each of us a certain capacity to deal with our individual lives. How can we give God His proper place if we just “fit Him in”? Aren’t we really saying, “Lord, my activities and stuff are more important that You”? When we do that, we make ourselves higher than God by communicating that our schedule is more important than Him.
If we want to live lives focused on God, we need to reorient our priorities. When we find ourselves at capacity and there is no margin, we need to give something up. Only then will we be free to enjoy the simplicity that is necessary for building relationships with God and our families.

Just Words?

I am going to begin blogging again with little bits taken from the book I am writing. Here is the first excerpt.


Just Words?

I have heard young people comment that swear words are offensive only if we assign importance to them. I understand what they are saying: words, after all, are nothing more than combinations of letters strung together to form expressions. Combine that with the relativistic thinking so prevalent in today's society, and the idea actually makes sense.

But there is another aspect to this topic: what you say is a reflection of your heart and mind. Jesus said, “The words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you" (Matthew 15:18, NLT).

The words that come out of our mouths reflect what we allow to permeate our minds. If we justify speaking careless, crude, or hurtful words, we are not submitting to Him. We are arguing with Him!

As Christians, we need to surrender to God our “right” to carelessly speak anything that comes to mind. But first, we have to desire close relationship with God more than we value our right to say whatever we want. The choice to honor him with our speech will grow out of that sincere desire to please Him.

Enjoying the freedom of living a Spirit-controlled life means accepting and embracing the Spirit's control in all areas, including language. We do this by deliberately filling our minds with wholesome, good things; then He gives us the desire to speak in ways that please Him.

Carry It Forward: When you consciously allow the Holy Spirit to act as a filter, the words that pour forth will serve as evidence of the Spirit's fruit in you: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. Isn’t that what you want your children to see?

The Years Fly By...

In just a few days, my youngest son will leave for college. Waves of emotion come uncontrolably more and more often as the day grows closer. A memory or an object reminds me of him and without warning, tears begin to stream down my face. They come quickly, cascading down my face and my neck. It can happen anywhere—whether I'm alone or in the middle of the grocery store.

The emotions are so intense and deep because there are 19 years of loving and sacrificing for a son who is now grown and ready to go, ready to fly away from the nest that has cared for him and was vigilant to keep him safe and prepare him for this day.

I know he's ready in every way, so the sadness isn’t laden with fear or regret. It’s actually a strange mix of sadness and joy. I can't explain how both emotions can be there so strong and distinctly, but they are.

There is joy because he is ready to go out and accomplish all that the Lord has for him and I know that he has to "go out" from us for this to happen. He is as prepared as we know how to prepare him. Now he will be completely in the Lord's hands, and he's flying off to another place and stage of his life.

There is sadness because he is going to leave a huge hole in both my husband's and my heart and life. His presence brings such happiness and joy. His very presence cheers us up and makes us smile. But there is also joy, deep joy in that I know we will now begin to see the fruit of our parenting labors as they are meant to be seen—our children fully dependent on God.

As you are day by day preparing each of your children to leave your nest, think about how much time you really have left with them. When they are 5 and under, they spend most of their time with you and you have a lot of time to love them and shape their character. When they start school, you have much less time to influence them and others have more input into their lives and character than you do. By the time they reach High School, they have developed other interests and activities, friends and have jobs, all of which take them away from home a larger percentage of their day.

Though your children may still be young, how many "hours of influence" do you still have to build character and a love for our Lord? How are you using this precious time to prepare your children to leave your nest ready to face a world that encourages them to indulge in themselves rather than serving others.

Cherish the hours you have left with your children and be intentional in how you spend them, because they will fly away more quickly than you anticipate.

Wishing Away Your Life

When I was in Junior High, I remember saying to my Aunt Fae, "I wish I was in High School." What she said to me became one of the foundational principles that has formed character in me. She said, "Brenda, Don't wish away today. Be all here in the present. High School will come soon enough. Be all here, each day of your life." I thought about what she said, and put it into practice in my life.

We tend to "wish for High School" in a lot of ways. When we get to High School, we wish we were in College or wish we had a job...we wish we were married, we wish we had children, we wish our children were older, then we wish they were out of the house...grandkid...retirement........then, we die. We have wished our life away and didn't live in the moments we were given.

Looking back now, living in the present, caused me to take advantage of the moments I was given, both the good ones and the hard ones. I learned to face the difficult times rather than ignore or resent them. When my children were young and woke up night after night because they needed to be nursed, they had a bad dream, or had the flu and were puking every hour throughout the night, I realized that I had two choices in how I could respond. I could either accept my circumstances and embrace the moments with a good attitude, or ignore, get angry and irritable about them and wish this stage of life with my children away. Those long, sleepless nights when my children were cried, I would rock them and quietly sing to them, sometimes for hours. I was so tired and at the end of myself, the tears would come easily, streaming down my face, and I praised Jesus with my songs. That was all I had to give.

The hard times have become some of the most precious memories and growing times for me. I chose not to "check out" of the present, and wish for future. Instead, I chose to worship God through those hard circumstances. Those are the times, when I learned to lean on Him for strength when, I didn't have any strength left.

Our Children are watching the way we handle life's Struggles!

With the economy the way it is, so many of you are losing your jobs, your homes and having marriage problems. You are not able to pay the bills. Eventually, you are forced to move and that is like adding salt to an open wound. The whole complicated situation creates tension and fighting in your relationships. You begin to snap at your spouse and children, and yell about the littlest things. You loose motivation and want to pull back from interactions with other people. It seems like there is no way out. That is just the beginning and it can get worse from here...

As you step back and evaluate the situation, you realize that you don't have control over the circumstances and never really have had. Yes, there are things that you could have done differently, but your options are limited now. Who is really in control of your circumstances? If you are a Christian, the answer you would give is, Jesus.

But do you believe it? I mean really believe it, so that it affects the way you respond to life. If you did, how would you respond to the circumstances that He is allowing in your life now? There are only two ways to respond to Him in your circumstances, as a Grape or a Marble. If you think about the characteristics of both when pressure is applied to them, it helps define the two ways you can respond in your attitude towards God when life pressures you.

A Grape is soft and can be quickly squished. It surrenders easily to pressure. When this happens it is destroyed in its original form, but something new is produced through the process...grape juice and with time, wine. This represents your willingness to trust Him and to have an attitude of surrender to Him. When you do this, God will give you a peace that is unexplainable. He will transform you into someone new and beautiful inside.

The other option is to be a Marble. It is hard and resists when pressure is applied to it. A marble tries to escape from the pressure by rolling out from under it. Eventually, it gets crushed under the pressure. The only thing that is produced is shards, that cut and hurt. There is no new beauty that is created, just something to be swept up and thrown away. The result of this choice is a person who resists what the Lord is trying to do in their lives. They become hard, bitter, and angry.

Are you choosing to be a Grape or a Marble?
Are you living like you trust that God is in control and has good plan for your lives?
Are your children seeing you responding like you believe that God is in control of your current circumstances?
Have you asked Jesus for a heart to trust Him through the circumstances you are in, for your sake as well as your children's?

I would love to hear your personal stories that may encourage someone else on their journey to Trust Jesus when life circumstances are hard.

Summer Can Be a Time to Build Family Relationships

Summer is about half over. When all the warm days are gone, and short, cold winter nights are here, what is it that your children will remember about these months together? What lessons about life will be instilled in them because of the time you spent with them?

As a child there were times that I was bored with summer, because my parents were busy and my days were unplanned. I wasted them. At times, I wished summer away, thinking that school and friends were much more fun. When school started in the fall, I remember thinking, "How could I have wished summer away for this!" I was so open to have someone pour into my life in those slow paced sunny days.

After I began having my own children, I decided to pour myself into them any opportunity I could. I set goals for our summers. One that I continued to focus on was, developing family relationships. Doing this meant spending a lot of time together, doing things, and just being together. In order to form relationships within our family, we decided that we needed to significantly reduce time spent with friends. Our family had to become our source of support, encouragement and entertainment. So we took a break from a lot of "friend" interaction and "play dates", and did things as a family.

This taught my children how to accept and love each other the way they were created to be, to learn to work through conflict and have fun together. When I brought their friends into the mix, they didn't learn those life lessons.

In order for them to not become resentful and bored, included three things into our day.

Firstly, we always did something fun together. This took commitment and planning on my part, though it was really flexible so that it would fit into our life. I made a list of things to do, so that on a moments notice, I would have something to draw my family together, something that didn't take much preparation. Sometimes we were able to spend all day together doing something fun and sometimes we only an hour. On days when I had a good amount of time and the weather cooperated, we did things things like go to the lake, have a picnic and swim or go on a family bike ride to the park and have a picnic. There were other times when life made it so our time was quite limited, so we might read bedtime stories together as a family, make popcorn together and eat it, or Lay out on a blanket in the backyard and watch the shooting stars and talk about God.

Secondly, each child was given jobs to do. Depending on their age, they were give responsibilities and things that would help out the family. One might have the job of cleaning out the dishwasher, another would be cleaning the toys up off the floor, or taking out the garbage. The older the child the more responsibility they were given. When they were old enough, each would take turns, Setting the Table for dinner, Cleaning up the Kitchen after dinner and clearing out he dishwasher. They did their job for a week, then rotated to the next job. They all did their equal share.

We also focused on meeting other people needs. When one would fall down and scrape their knee, their brother or sister would stop and help them. If one got done with their job sooner than another, many times they would offer to help their brother or sister finish theirs. We encouraged them to think of others and help each other even when it meant they would have to sacrifice in some way to do it.

Each season offers different opportunities to build into your family, and Summer is probably the easiest and most extended time available to make memories and develop deep family relationships. I would encourage you to take a few moments and thing about what kind of family you want to have 10 years from now, and what things you could do this summer to begin making that happen.

When is it OK to take time for ourselves?

A good mom and devoted wife, named Andrea, and has chosen to look at her young family as a "gift". She said, "Yesterday we all went to lunch as a family & after we got home I didn't do anything except stuff with the kids. Whether that meant jumping on the trampoline or taking a nap with them. It was very nice. Today we were invited to the park. We all had a blast. And I'm going to truly strive to spend more time at the library & just reading & playing games w/ the kids. I found a couple of great sites that I can't wait to read more on about being the woman God wants me to be."

With all the demands on us and focusing on our husband and family, Andrea asked,"When is it OK to take time for ourselves?

That is a great question. You absolutely need to take time for yourself. Another question that may be of more help to you is, "How should I use my time to myself in a way that really rejuvenates me?" Each of us gets recharged in a different way. We need to figure out what kinds of things we need in light of our particular circumstances and personality. It is easy to feel so “ready” for a break, that when we finally get one, we just waste it, and when we re-engage, we are just as tired and in need of a break as we were before. Our natural reaction is to disconnect from our world and watch TV or get on the computer. Though this allows us to escape, it does not rejuvenate us. Before we take time for ourself, we need to evaluate what it is we really need.

Sometimes, we need a nap, because we have been up all night with sick kids. Sometimes we just need to have an adult conversation with a friend because we have only had words spoken in 3 word sentences. Many times we really need to connect with our Lord and Savior so that we can be relating and working in his power and strength rather than trying to keep our sanity and calm in our own strength. Maybe its a walk at the park so we can be alone and pray or an escape to a coffee shop to read our Bible. Using our free time this way, will affect so many areas of our life in positive ways. Somehow, if we choose to spend it with Him, we get more done, and our patience level with our family is greatly increased. We can discern priorities clearly and we can live in a place of peace that only He can provide in our hectic lives.

As you take time for yourself, stop for a moment and pray and ask how the Lord wants you to use your time. He’ll let you know what you need and what will really rejuvenate you. Then watch what happens when you return to your family, how you respond to situations and how you feel. You will be pleasantly surprised!